Haritu akak cuti, jadi akak pun memang melekat dengan anak 24 jam. Haritu seperti biasa dah lepas makan, akak bagilah dia mandi sendiri. Selalu memang senang kalau nak bagi mandi, sebab Aisy ni selalu letak bawah air paip tu dan dia terus main sendiri. Dulu akak kena isi besen untuk bagi dia mandi, tapi nampaknya dia tak suka nak berendam ni jadi akak pun biarlah dia main sendiri dengan air paip. Selalunya dia main air ni sampai takmau keluar la, tapi hari ni takdan akak nak carik towel dia dah nangis kuat dah.

Akak lari gi amek tuala dia yang ada kat luar bilik sebab nak bawak keluar sambil pujuk dia untuk berhenti nangis, tapi makin kuat pulak dia melalak.

Akak pun peluk dia dengan tuala dan terus nampak yang sebenarnya ada najis kat bontot dia.

Sembelit rupanya.

Dari tadi dok meneran agaknya. Mak dia tak perasan pulak.

Akak pun pujuklah dia letak balik, tapi dia takmau sebab sangat sakit agaknya. Duk melekat. Tuala tu dah kena tukar baru sebab kena najis dia.

Nangis makin kuat ni, akak jadi makin panik pulak. Tapi kena muka tenang kalau tak baby dapat detect.

Luar : “Sayang, sayang, ok na? Mak ada ni, jangan nangis, jangan panik. Mak ada nanti mak tolong Aisy berak ye,”

Dalam : OMG OMG. WTH.

Aisy dah nangis makin kuat. Akak letak tuala atas sinki dan jerit sekuat hati suruh bapak dia ambilkan tuala baru sementara akak nak proses anak ni.

Akak ambik sabun dia, dan lumurkan kat jari tangan. Sebelah tangan lagi akak angkat kaki kiri dia, dan masukkan jari kelingking yang dah licin tu kat dalam bontot anak. Memang rasa ada najis keras ni, susah nak keluar ni, patutlah nangis nak gila. Akak tekan sikit kat luar bontot tu untuk manuver najis tu keluar, dan lepas tu just tunggu anak teran sendiri. Air mata dah menjejeh kat pipi dah, basah habis baju mak dia semua ni.

Sekali keluar satu rantaian najis keluar, tepat duduk elok atas tapak tangan.

Luar : Ok, sayang dah keluar. OK, dah ok dah ni. *sambil buat muka tabah*

Dalam : OMG, he just shat on my palm! The whole lot of it!

Freak out kot akak time tu. Memang selalu handle dah baby sembelit ni, tapi takdalah sampai macam ni. Banyak pulak dia berak lepas tu, jenuh nak mencuci dengan menangis macam ni, dengan strugglenya tapi last-last berjaya juga. Lepas berak terus lena tidur si anak tu.

Anak akak ni memang ada waktu dia sembelit, especially bila dia banyak nenen lagi daripada minum formula. Dulu memang perasan kalau weekend, berak dia keras sikit berbanding bila weekdays sebab dia duduk dengan pengasuh dan minum formula. Sekarang ni dah akak keja shift, macam tak menentu pulak bowel movement dia. Tapi still boleh nampak yang kalau dia banyak ngempeng/nenen akan kurang sikit beraknya.

Anyway, nasihat akak pada mak-mak yang takut kalau ada anak sembelit ni, lepas nampak dia ada sembelit bagi banyak buah dan sayur kat dia. Janji ada serat dalam diet dia. Kalau Aisy dia memang suka makan buah lebih dari nasi lagi, jadi senang nak overcome sembelit dia. Lagi-lagi kalau dia boleh makan betik memang beberapa kalilah kena tukar pampers dia sebab dia akan jadi kerap buang air besar.


Kalau anak nampak struggle, cuba tolong dia tapi lembut-lembut. Angkat kaki baby sebab boleh tolong compress sikit rasa sakit dia, dan pakai sabun untuk licinkan lubang bontot tu. Memang dia menjerit semua, tapi ini akan bantu dia. Jangan ganas sangat takut nanti berdarah. Takut trauma lubang bontot tu, dan bila dia sakit berak lagilah dia akan tahan berak tu, lagi melaratlah sembelit tu. Takut nanti usus tu tak jalan, lepas tu banyak lagi kes. Pastikan kuku pendek, sebab kuku panjang tak pasal-pasal akan lukakan bontot dia ok.

Bagi minum air, apa-apa jenis pun takpa. Kalau boleh budak-budak ni, bagi minum air masak, air susu pun boleh. Jus buah kalau blend sendiri boleh kurangkan gula sebab gula takut cerita lain pulak.


amik anak omputih minum

Kalau sembelit melarat, biarpun selepas semua rawatan rumah dah dibuat jangan malu jangan segan untuk mai hospital. Budak-budak kalau sembelit susah sikit, dan cepat melarat kalau tidak dirawat dari awal.


Careful, You’re Not Careful Enough


There were certain sentences that I hate when it comes to raising my baby boy, especially when you think that you know what’s best for your baby and someone else telling you that it’s not.

I had had my own share of dilemma whenever I felt like screaming my heart out to the world that he is my baby boy and it’s my responsibility to see how he’s going to grow up to.

My baby boy had started to crawl at six months plus, and already started climbing up his cot. It’s been accompanied by my ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ to encourage him doing something that is somewhat new to him. It was also accompanied by hideous cry when he fell down silly on the floor and anxious grandmom – who was babysitting him when I was not home working. I myself let him do what I wanted and fall, lumps and bumps will be quite an essential for him once he started going mobile. I wouldn’t always be there when he fall, or when he decided that it’s okay to eat sand if he likes to.

I know I had not been an attentive mother as I wanted the society to be. I could even see now that what I felt safe for the kid is not like how my MIL see it. She wouldn’t let my baby boy crawled beyond the soft mattress lying on the floor, and IMO I wouldn’t stop him from roaming around the tiles floor. One way or another, he would breakthrough and he would try everything that he ought not to be doing. Mind you, there’s a lot on his plate once he knew the world is out there.

Watching my baby boy grows up also reminds me of us, when we were kids. I thought of how I always gave up after a failed trial, and just blamed everything on others. When I watched him fall, and yet he got up again and didn’t mind the pain at all made me realise that I’m not an exemplary adult for him. I gave up easily, almost too easy that I hated myself.

Why can’t I channel to my inner child? Why can’t I follow the kids’ exceptional will to force himself to learn how to crawl, and to walk eventually?

I don’t know what I was babbling here. I felt like I’m losing my point. Like, again.



Common Cold


Last two or three nights ago my son had trouble to go to sleep. He wailed all night. He was cranky and clingy, making me and my husband felt like the world was crushing down on us. It was Sunday night and today I’m going to work. My son wouldn’t stop crying, and there were tears everywhere – me and my son. I wished I could see my husband’s tears too.

He was having a cold, which most probably he caught it from me. As a working mom, who spent most of her time at a clinic full of sick people, I am prone to infectious disease like this common cold. I didn’t actually caught it from the clinic, but I noticed I started having sore throat and feverish after back from our vacation from a famous beach.

I suffered from common cold, acute tonsillitis and mild fever for about a week. I tried so hard not to cough at my son, but it was hard to do especially when he was breastfeeding at me, and the only thing he was staring at was me. Well, it did flatter me in some way that your son adores you but seriously it brought a hazardous risk. I wished that I didn’t give it to him but who am I kidding? He never had any contact with anyone except his close family.

Back to the story, I was having a seriously hard time to getting him to sleep. He was crying, and been as bad tempered as I am, I smacked his butt a bit too strongly on the diapers. He was used to it, and his cry didn’t stop. I was crying too because I was tired, my arms were aching because I was serenading him all along.

When I woke up the next morning, and noticed his innocent face sleeping with a noisy breathing I was touched. I was mad at him because he couldn’t sleep.

Why did I do that? Why did I go batshit crazy when he too was in misery?

He’s a kid, I told myself over and over again. He cried when he was uncomfortable, he cried when he’s hungry, he’d cry when his nappy wet, he’d cry when his stomach bloated; he never knew what he wanted that night and maybe, just maybe what he wanted was just to cuddle me. Maybe he wanted protection from me because sometimes he had a nightmare, maybe he had experienced a dream and it felt weird to him but he had no way of telling me that except by crying.

After he fell asleep, I put him down and watched him in silent. I succeeded in tugging him into sleep. I managed to tone down my temper, and afterwards I was so relieved I fell asleep right away.




Dreams, Moms and Hopes

Last night I had a dream about my mother.

It was actually a very sad one.

My mother was very lonely in the dream, and my late father was still here. Even though he was there, it felt like he wasn’t. My mother was not caring about him, and she planned to get married again. I didn’t recognise the man, and I didn’t want to. But I knew my mother’s face, and it was the face that I missed the most. The dream ended just like that, after I saw my mother holding hands with someone that I didn’t know.

But she didn’t look happy.

You see, since I got married bigger stuff happened to me. I am no longer some mama’s girl, who lives together with her. After our marriage I did convince my husband to stay with us (me and my mother) but it only lasted for six months, as my husband was not comfortable with my younger sister.

Don’t get me wrong.

My husband wasn’t comfortable with my sister because she had to cover up every time he was there in the same room. In our religion, covering your head while you’re with someone who can marry you legally is mandatory. I covered my head up too during my meeting with my cousins because mind you, cousins can marry each other. It’s not about culture, it’s the religion and it’s our way of life.

I’ll get back to you about it later.

When I first realised that someday I would leave my mother (aka my sanctuary) and stay with my husband I couldn’t stand the sadness. I was practically mourning all the time, I was crying at the very sight of day. I was pregnant too and the hormonal surge was overwhelming me. My husband felt so distant to me because we were defending ourselves vehemently. He reasoned to me that we had to stand on our two feet, and live alone without our parents. I did try to discuss about the matter but I knew that sooner or later I would have to leave. My mother wouldn’t be here for me forever. She will leave me, just like how my Dad left.

But I’m not ready. I told myself over and over again that I’m big enough, old enough to pick up the pace by myself, but I was too childish.

My mother cried when I told her I was leaving. She never cried in front of me, not in front of any of my siblings. My mother was a tough cookie, she would never back down for one small obstacle. Even if life was hard, she would never succumb to it. We were really poor back then, and the hardship was overcome by my mother’s will to keep the family’s money safe. My mother planned food regiment for me and my siblings, making sure we ate enough but not too much that we could waste anything. My mother cooked at home, and during my childhood time, I could barely remember the time I ate at a restaurant, let alone at a fancy one or a hotel.

Leaving her was the turning point of my life.

I wasn’t ready.

And my mom seemed like she too couldn’t think of living without me, just like how she did with my brother. My brother stayed at home during his upper secondary school years, meanwhile I had been living at hostel since I was 13. I stayed permanently with my parents since I worked back at my hometown, at the age of 25. 12 years of living separately taught me how to be independent.

My husband however wasn’t used to hardship. His parents are wealthy, especially now when his father is working abroad and giving all his salary to his family back here. He had living allowances there so practically he had no extra expenses.

My mom however didn’t shower us with words of gratitude. We were raised with warmth but she was not someone who would tell you she loves you everyday. But what she did showed us that she loves us all very much. She hid her tears so that we wouldn’t worry, even when I told her I was leaving she tried to hide it but unfortunately my sister and brothers caught her. So they told me.

I was worried, and her harsh words didn’t help much. She never told me what was inside her head, but I knew she was lonely. But I had to be on my own. Now when I’m not with her, I still pay for her bills even if it’s not much. I tried giving as much as I can to my mother and even though she didn’t tell me a thing, I knew she appreciated it.